Sour Apples

Right now all my former friends from Guild are enjoying their selves at a retreat at Blue Licks Battlefield and State Park. They are eating and drinking and sewing and sharing quilt tips and talking and having a wonderful weekend. I do envy them. I love retreats.

I have no hopes that these former friends will ever become my friends again. In fact I don't want their friendship. However, I cannot imagine cutting myself off from the guild and future quilt retreats. I am not sure what I will be doing about it, but a solution will be found that makes me content in myself. If they are uncomfortable about my solution that will be something they will have to deal with.

These former friends never understood what I was going through. They just saw my sorrow and anger at circumstances and could no long deal with it. Again, that is their problem. That my DH almost died on October 10 is something they know nothing about and I don't really think they would care.

I have lost one husband to an auto accident, divorced a second because he shut me out of his life and almost lost a third one to kidney failure, sepsis, staph infection and pneumonia. For three days we kept DH alive on a ventilator while trying to heal the infection, restart the kidneys without dialysis and clear his lungs from the pneumonia. That we have had four weeks of hospitalization to deal with; that DH has lost 30 pounds during his illness; that he is using a walker or wheelchair because he has no endurance; that I have been beside myself with worry; in all of these things they were not there for me.

They pledged their friendship and help and then withdrew it because they could not deal with me. I regret that they were unable to help me. I would have loved the support of friends. However, I am moving forward and getting my life in order. My DH still has dementia. He will continue to slide downhill into a memory loss. There will be times that I will want to strike out at anything to deal with the anger of my husband loosing his memory. I will find other friends who will comfort me. I will find other quilt buddies to interact with. I will go on with my life and be a happy and content person.

I can only feel sorry for these women and hope that they never have to deal with what I have been going through and what I have ahead. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I have been at the brink of death and seen my husband pull back into a life that we never thought we would enjoy again.

Whether these women read my blog or not, I felt that I finally had to express my sadness at their reaction to my deepest pain. They were not there for me and I can never forget what they did to me. They are forgiven and written out of my life.

I am sorry for the sour apples...but I needed to get this written so that I can go on with my life. The pain inflicted has continued to eat at my heart and I don't want that pain any more. I don't want them to apologize. I just want them to stay away from me and leave me alone.

In spite of the content of my blog today, please have a happy and safe day. May God watch over you and keep you in his love.

DH is home and I am quilting

Friday DH came home. We had a quite evening together and went to bed early. Saturday was the day we visited MIL. She is definitely using two cane at all times. We are waiting for her doctor to mail a release form so she can request a transfer of records to the nursing home I think she will really do this now.

Last evening I started working on the Sew to Win Blocks for Guild. Somehow my machine has readjusted it's self. My 1/4 inch seam was about three threads too wide on the first four seams and a 6 1/2 inch block ended up 6 1/8. I need to rip those seams out and start over. No big problem as they were the first four seams of the center of the wreath block.

Tonight I have several things on my to do list and those four seams are on it. I also have to start packing for Gatlinburg.

Did you know there is a big quilt show and retreat in Gatlinburg every March? I have been looking into it and cannot wait to see what classes are offered in 2009. Maybe DH and I can have another week in Gatlinburg before we head to Orlando with the family.

Have a great day.

Wednesday and sorting

Yesterday during lunch I reviewed two more of my back issue quilting magazines. It is amazing how many ideas we can come up with when using the inspiration of other quilters. Sometimes it is an unusual color combination and sometimes it is a technique that we had never experienced. I am blessed by the quilter's before me and I know it.

Last night I availed myself of several quilt patterns that are free on the Internet. I am in the process of deciding what project to take to a retreat that I will be attending in October. Since my time between now and the retreat will be taken up in quilting and binding several baby quilts I feel that several small projects that will give me completions would be the best choice.

Oh, and I will take one large project that I can wonder over at the same time. If I finish the small projects then I will have something very new to start. How exciting. I cannot wait to see my friends that I made at the retreat last year. I am looking forward to catching up with their lives.

Today at work I am setting up all the necessary database tables to track claims from Tropical Storm Fay. After that I will be documenting everything I have done so that the auditors can review the project. What used to take 30 minutes to do now takes about four hours to document. Such is the insurance industry and the government.

Have a great day, Karen

A quiet weekend

After a very quiet weekend the moving week has arrived. I work for a large insurance company and they just completed the third tower of our complex. The first was occupied in 1986, the second in 2000 and now the third in 2008. They haven't started the fourth yet, but there are six in the original design. I will be working hard to purge obsolete files in my office and packing what will be in the new office. I hope to change from the "cluttered look" to the "professional office look" with nothing on the desktop but the current project. Since this is totally out of character, it should be a real shock to myself and my co-workers. Not much quilting will be going on this week as my hands will be really tired. In case I havent' mentioned it, I have rhuematoid arthritus and although in remission somewhat, my hands are really easy to injure.

I have finally gotten all my quilting stuff from the retreat downstairs in the house. I was going to do a quilting/washing machine marathon yesterday, but got caught up in a Louis L'Amour novel and couldn't put it down. Instead, I did a kitchen/reading marathon and wow I found my counters. You know the phrase "everything out on the counters"? Well I have counters again. I even made three pots of ice tea for my husband and baked brownies. I am quite content with the results. Now if I can get the final two counter areas clean I can start the next phase of kitchen remodeling. I need a new floor.

Tonight I have a get together with Quilted Chaos, a group of members from Ohio Valley Quilters Group (OVQG) and I hope to get a table runner cut out. It is based on a Timeless Treasures pattern available on the internet that uses a fabric with stripes. I cannot wait to get it cut out and get started on it. Today I will be working on cutting out additional blocks from my Patchwork Party Spring 2008 quilt during my lunch break. I have decided to get the blocks cut and then set the quilt aside for my October quilt retreat.

Well, I better get to work purging and packing my office.
Karen

ESA/St Jude Retreat

WOW what a weekend! It was great. It is amazing what 46 quilters can complete when we have no responsibilities. My husband asked me what I did and I told him I sewed the entire time. He couldn't comprehend why I would want to go away to sew. I told him the interruptions at home included two dogs, a husband, cooking, cleaning, responding to his questions, shoping, visiting his mother, responding to his needs...you get the idea.

I finished a baby quilt top out of 3" squares. Just used a solid pale yellow and a white fabric with bunnies and teddy bears on it. This will be machine quilted by a friend and then finished with a border that I haven't figured out yet. The quilt will be going to a maternity hospital in Alaska. They fly in the mother's four to six weeks before their due date and fly them back home after the baby is ready to travel. Our small group, Piecemakers, from the Ohio Valley Quilters Guild (OVQG) try to send about 30 quilts twice a year to have ready for each baby.

My next project was not quilting by any means. I was given the great honor of sewing the Cub Scout badges on my 7 year old grandson's vest. I only have 1/2 of the side of the third patch to go and I will deliver it to him. How exciting is that!?

My main project for the weekend got slowed down by the fact that I left one of the materials at home...but I did what I could and will continue to work on it until it is done.

I had several other projects for just if, but they didn't take up much space and I never got around to them. I did overpack.

Guess what. I ran into a fellow Janiac. If you don't know what the Dear Jane quilt frenzy is about google it and you will see tiny little 4 1/2 inch squares that have as many as 25 pieces in each one. Take Jane and maniac and you have a Janiac.

Although I don't like raffles, I did purchase tickets with the knowledge that if I didn't "win" anything the money would be going to a good cause: St. Jude's Hospital. I had 10 winning tickets and came home with so many fabrics, notions and patterns I won't have to go to my LQS for a long time...well maybe a week or two.

I definitely encourage you to see if you would like to go to this quilt retreat. I am definitely going back!

Karen

April 9, 2008

I am frazzled. The last 9 months have taught me skills I didn't know I had and gave me friends that accept me as I am or show me how to better myself. At 60 I didn't know I could learn so much.

SKIP THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR MY WOES.
July was the month my husband, James, was injured in an industrial accident. After two surgeries for his left shoulder he is still undergoing physical therapy. This was not the first time he had been injured, but it was the last straw and he finally admitted that he could not longer work. Fortunately we had good advice from doctors and lawyers and he was awarded Social Security Disability.

In January he was diagnosed with the onset of dementia. We have been going through the various drugs and therapy's to try a slow a down hill slope. He seems to be holding his own.

Then in February he fell and all four quads in his left leg were torn. After surgery he tore them a second time and the surgeon put him in a full leg cast to save him from additional damage. He just started physical therapy on his leg two weeks ago. That is 12 to 13 hours of P.T. a week.

MY WOES ARE OVER
I have been quilting on and off for 50 years and have fallen in love with the art all over again. I have joined a quilt quild, gone on three quilt retreats and am looking forward to another retreat in less than two weeks. Quilting has been a haven for me to relax and rekindle my spirits.

Also, in the last three weeks I have discovered a new author (to me) in Louis L'Amour. I just finished the Sackett series and am now readying his short stories. What a wonderful gift of writing this man had. Here I am a woman and I am just as in to the western skills of the frontiersman and the boxing skills of modern man as any other reader of the male gender.

Now it is time for this tired woman to put the dogs out (2 Rottweiler's) and climb into bed for a good night's sleep.